I ended up staying last night in low quality accomodation in Phitsanulok beside the main bus terminal. Having been on the train throughout the night I needed to sleep straight away so got straight off the tuk tuk early in the morning at Phitsanlok train station, I checked straight into the place after seeing the room. The place had bed bugs, & so today I have a whole lot of small sores on my feet & arms mainly. That’s no drama really. They’ll be gone in two days, but next time I’ll be choosing more carefully.
It feels strange to be leaving this big city, I must follow through & go to the place that has influenced much of Thailand’s arts culture & food, as well as business – Suku Thai. How do you deal with the unsettled feelings inside?
Last night I got a knock on the door. Being an open person I said hello. The female voice from the other side of the door said, “I want to see you”. Then the door clicked – she had a key! Suddenly I have a beautiful, tall Thai prostitute standing in the doorway. I can definitely appreciate beauty, so smiled & said, “You are beautiful”. She flicked her hair & smiled, then I woke up to the realisation that this was not a dream. Then she helped me make the next decision. She leaned forward, smiled then said, “Give me money”. I quickly replied, “No”. Then, embarrassed she said, sorry, stood there for a moment & walked out. The interaction probably lasted about three minutes.
Why did I say “No” so quickly? Because I don’t do prostitution. For one, she is better than that, & my own needs are greater. I need meaningful relationship. But also, I refuse to link money & getting my needs/desires met.
These kinds of striking moments do make me think, “What am I doing here?”, “How should I be using my time?”, “How much of my decision making actually comes back to me trying to win the approval of people who are not even here?” Somehow quite a lot.
I want to go straight back to Bangkok, but also to follow through, having travelled all this way to see a place. People say I need to see the North, & they’re right. Also, there is an underlying goal to achieve yet & that is to spend time with some ridiculously poor people. Maybe that can be done today.
Anyway. Coming back to the prostitute – I want do things or relationships for the money. Don’t get me wrong, I want both, but there has to be an inner drive beyond lust. Passion is great & it should be combined with purpose. Today is today. Time to head to the north, spend time with the poor people, see where Thailand’s culture originated from then get back to Bangkok, settle in, reflect, organise, create.
The way forward is massive action. Consumption is a necessity; it fills our needs, but we need to live with purpose.
When you get home, you are going to do something distinctly different to before. Fully present & focused in a way that considers the wellbeing of many others, you will open up new pathways. Lead other people as you go. Choose greatness & do not worry if what you do falls. Be noble & walk boldly. See what is best for the people, dream, design, decide, develop.
Set aside time, begin today. Regardless of what exterior circumstances there are, actively action what you feel needs done. Ponder, meditate on love & let it flow out. Equip your mind & make choices that leave you with energy to put the majority of productive time into realising\actualising what you imagine.